My children are now young adults, so they no longer celebrate Halloween as they did when they were little kids. I squeezed in one final trick-or-treat evening with my youngest son about 9 years ago. That was the last time.
It makes me sad. Iâm the only one who wants to celebrate Halloween in our household. For meâand for me alone, apparentlyâthe crisp weather and gloomy nights all bring back fond memories.
I would spend months planning. It probably began when the first leaves fell. As the days grew colder, my thoughts turned to dark evenings, costumes, and candy.
Of course, every child loves candy. Okay, youâre right. Many adults do, too. What a fantastic evening! Going door to door, and everyone gives you a treat. Whatâs not to love about that?
However, Halloween represented more than that for me. It was the day that I could disappear. That small, unpopular boy could vanish and reappear as one of his fantasy personas.
My brother and I spent weeks planning our costumes. Sometimes, I wanted to be something that would inspire fear. A mummy, a vampire, or a werewolf.
I was always drawn to werewolves. Perhaps I wanted others to be afraid of me for the first time, instead of me being afraid of them. Worried about being caught by bullies on the long walk home from school. Knowing that it would end in another fight. Well aware that I was far from good at fighting.
At other times, I had wanted to be a character I admired on TV. Galen from The Planet of the Apes. Donât judge! I told you I was weird. 𤣠Or, the Six Million Dollar Man.
However, to this day, my favorite was the Zordius mask I created from a kit by Pressman Toys, designed by the famous makeup artist Dick Smith. I should have kept it. Now, they are collectorsâ items.
I would wander the dark streets, bag in hand. The wind was gently stirring the leaves, crunching under my feet. Other children were passing by, but no one knew who I was.
In that moment, I was invisible. I was a monster or an alien. I wasnât a little boy that evening.
It felt safe, powerful, and thrilling. I often dreamed that it wouldnât end. That I would actually turn into that creature. That child wanted it more than anything. I wanted to disappear, leave that small town, and become something new. Something more.
So, when the weather turns, and the leaves fall from the trees, my heart still quickens. When the wind rattles the branches and twists through my hair, I feel it. That sense of wonder and promise all over again.
A familiar desire to put on that mask again.
Safety
The safety of hiding behind a Halloween mask dates back to its origins as an ancient Celtic festival. The dead spirits returned to earth, and you had to hide from the vengeful ones who might recognize you.
Today, we still wear our masks when we donât feel safe. We learn to hide our true faces rather than feel vulnerable. We experience what happens when we let our guard down.
Unfortunately, some people have experienced a family life that encouraged masking. Donât express yourself, or they will punish you! Let your feelings show and risk someoneâs displeasure.
For example, I remember having dinner at a friendâs house once. We were joking around at the table, and my friend started laughing. His father looked at him sternly and said, âYou need to work on that laugh. I donât like it.â
I stared at his father, my mouth hanging open mid-laugh. At first, I thought he was joking. No one would say that to his or her child, right? But no, he was serious. He wanted my friend to change how he laughed.
Weâve all been hurt by friends, family, and loved ones. Weâve felt the sting of embarrassment and pain when someone shamed us for being our true selves. Weâve had our hearts broken again and again.
Itâs no surprise that many of us learned to put on a mask and hide our innermost thoughts and feelings. Being betrayed can have that effect. Is it any wonder that we cling to those masks and build layers upon layers of defenses over the years?
Propriety
At a young age, we also learn that certain behaviors are proper and acceptable, while many others are not. We discover that we have to sit up straight in class, pay attention, keep our mouths shut, and never let our gaze stray out the window for too long.
They teach us to wear the mask of the studious pupil if we want to succeed. So, many of us do. We carry that ingrained behavior forward into our college years and do our best to follow the path we were told that we should. Otherwise, you wonât become the valuable member of society that you are supposed to be!
It doesnât end with school either. If anything, we wear larger and thicker masks when we join the working world. After all, there is more at stake. Make your boss happy and fit in with your coworkers! If you donât, you may lose your job and everything you have worked so hard to achieve.
Break free of what is properâand expectedâand you may never get to return to that working world. Upset the wrong person, and you may find yourself blackballed in the industry. Ask me how I knowâŚÂ
When someone else is in control of your future, you wear the mask required of you.
Inhibition
There are certain things you donât say or do in proper society. The work environment has its own set of rules for what you should and shouldnât do, but your local community is no different.
The internet has made it significantly easier to find niche communities where one can be more fully accepted for who they really are. However, you still need to live in the physical world around you. That world is full of people who become uncomfortable around those who stray too far beyond the accepted norms.
So, out comes another mask. Or, in my local neighborhood, a red cap.
See? I am one of you!
Donât hate me
Donât judge me
Donât punish me
Wow, itâs almost as if we never left that grade-school playground. đ
However, when we enjoy a few drinks together, the masks begin to slide. Alcohol suppresses inhibitions, so itâs no wonder that true faces slowly emerge. When youâre among close friends, this can be okay. But, more than one career has been ruined when someone has had too many drinks at a work celebration.
I think this partly explains our fascination with Halloween and masquerade events. We place a physical mask over our actual faces so that we can release our inhibitions.
Alcohol may lower our inhibitions, but there is often a price to pay later. Thatâs why Bob got fired on Monday for his inappropriate behavior. Thatâs why Susanâs friends shun her after she was a little too wild on Saturday night.
However, put that mask over my face andâvoilĂ !âI can no longer be held accountable or blamed (to some extent). Thereâs an unspoken agreement that we are all someone else, or something else, for the evening. We have a pass to relax and let our innermost selves out to play.
Maybe we wonât gorge ourselves sick on candy like we did as children (although some might still get sick on wine). But we can enjoy that wild sense of abandon again, if only for the evening. Those moments become increasingly rare as the years pass by.
Taking off the mask
I admire those of you who have never felt the need to retreat behind a mask. I notice you and love it, but I canât help but feel a twinge of jealousy.
Iâm getting there slowly but surely. It comes with age and increased awareness of my mortality. I am developing a growing confidence in who I am and a clearer understanding of my abilities. I understand my flaws and what is out of reach. Iâm okay with that.
Having a relentless focus on self-improvement and self-discovery has been beneficial. But, more than all of that, Iâm making peace with myself. Iâm accepting what I am and what I will never be.
Those who have never donned a mask seem to have a casual DGAF attitude. Iâm not talking about the fake and forced âI have no f*cks to giveâ that some people proclaim on social media. The more you shout it, the more we all realize how much you actually care. So please stop.
No, the people who are always themselves have a calm confidence in who they are and what they do well.
Theyâve focused on their craft for so long that they donât bother comparing themselves to others.
They donât worry about the opinion of the masses.
They only care that what they create or do today is better than what they made or did yesterday.
No need for pretense. No need for a mask. These people donât need your approval.
Thatâs incredible freedom.
I think we all can achieve that level of confidence, claim our power, and gain our freedom. Itâs difficult, but it is possible.
Begin with your personal life and let that newfound confidence carry over into your professional life, or start with your professional life and watch how it gives you more confidence in your personal life.
Get better at telling people, âNo.â
Invest in your health and wellness every day.
Reclaim your time and take control of your calendar.
Focus on your craft and continually improve your skills every day.
Become calm and confident in yourself, and ignore the noise around you.
Become so well known for your expertise that you are in demand and no longer have to play by someone elseâs rules.
When you become the strongest, most confident, and most independent version of you, you can leave your mask behind.
Schedule a complimentary call with me, and letâs discuss how you can become who you want to be.
Iâm Larry Cornett, Ph.D., an Empowerment Coach who works with ambitious professionals to help them reclaim their power, become more invincible, and create better opportunities for their work and lives. Do more of what you love and less of what you hate! đ Check out my Invincible Daily Journals. I have one specifically for Summer!
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