The Thin Line Between Civilization and Barbarism: Why Bad Leaders Fail (Issue 182)
Too many people don't understand the difference
WARNING: This article contains strong language and mentions of violence. Do not scroll past the image below if you don’t want to see that. Read at your own risk!
The worst leaders confuse fear and respect.
They use the authority of their position, threats, and intimidation to control others. Subordinates only put up with the leader’s deplorable actions because they are forced to operate within the civilized environment of that operational world.
Leaders like this wouldn’t dare to act the way they do outside the safety of those walls and away from their hired security. If they did, they would soon discover that their fear tactics no longer worked. They would realize—perhaps for the first time—that no one actually respects them, wants to follow them, or will tolerate their despicable behavior.
I know because I spent some time in the military when I was very young, which is an environment quite different from the corporate world I later experienced. I saw firsthand the difference between respect and fear. I also realized what would happen once the rules changed, and we went to war.
“If we get called into battle, the first thing I’m gonna do is put a bullet in the back of his fucking head. That stupid son of a bitch will get us all killed.”
It shocked me to hear my superior speak this way about an even more senior leader, but it didn’t surprise me. He was right. That leader was an idiot. He often made mistakes that would indeed get all of us killed. His commands were idiotic and uninformed. The guy didn’t know what he was doing… at all.
Yet, he was our leader and used his rank to remind us of that all the time. He threatened us frequently, perhaps knowing somehow that—secretly—we didn’t actually respect him. Instead of rising to the challenge, educating himself, and becoming a better leader, he doubled down on his bullshit behavior. He took every chance he could to remind us that he was in power.
Little did he understand how fragile his control actually was. He had no idea how quickly people intended to strip him of his power (perhaps even his life) if the opportunity presented itself and it became a choice of him or us.
The line between civilization and barbarism is incredibly thin. We pretend it is not. We hope it is not. But all it takes are moments of chaos and desperation for it to be revealed. I’m sure you’ve seen hints of that. I know I have.
There were certainly times during my corporate career when I had to deal with a weak leader who did not deserve our respect. I did my best during those decades to only take jobs when I knew I would work for someone who was a good leader, took care of their team, had power and influence in the broader company, and had genuinely earned the respect of the team. I then knew this was someone I could learn from and wouldn’t mind reporting to. I’ve always worked hard for people I respect.
However, there is no such thing as stability in a corporation. Sure, you could join a company and work for an excellent leader. But leaders leave, re-orgs happen, and change is the only constant. More times than I wanted, I would lose the leader I had intentionally chosen and would soon be forced to report to someone else.
Sometimes that new leader was okay. Heck, there was even a time or two that the new leader was great. But, all too often, the new leader was a complete jerk and an idiot. Someone who had been promoted beyond their leadership skills. Someone I could never respect. Hell, I could barely tolerate listening to them every day.
As one of my colleagues used to say, “You can tell that this guy has never been punched in the face.”
It’s almost impossible to change a company from within, and just as impossible to remove your boss once they have been put in that seat. So, you either had to suck it up and suffer under this incompetent fool or move on and find a new job working for a better boss.
Eventually, I lost all patience for this game—the random roll of the dice that would determine if your working life was going to be good or miserable every day. So, I reclaimed my power and took control of my future. I became self-employed so I would never have to tolerate another boss who confused respect and fear, talent and title, and power and privilege.
My lesson from these life experiences is twofold:
Don’t put up with this type of leader. You deserve better, so demand better for yourself. Do your homework and only work for bosses who deserve your respect. If that situation changes, move on and find someone else worthy of your hard work (or leave and build your own thing).
Be the kind of leader who commands respect. Never lean on using your positional authority to control others. Never resort to fear and intimidation. It makes you look weak, and it fools no one, especially your most valuable people.
Respect and trust are earned, not granted. No amount of money, power, or fragile fake hierarchies can change that.
Larry Cornett, Ph.D. | Empowerment coach, psychologist, nature lover, and fitness freak. I help you escape the “hustle trap” to create an empowered life that fits who you are and what you want most. From Silicon Valley exec to self-employed entrepreneur, I’ve tested this path to freedom so you don’t have to.
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