💡 Observing, Not Judging (Issue 128)
Spending time with young people
My son invited me to brunch with his friends this past weekend.
At first, I thought it might be strange to be the only parent there and the only person not in their early 20s. 😂
So, I asked my son, “Are you sure it won’t be weird for your friends to have me there?”
He responded, “No, you’re different from other parents. You don’t judge, so they’re cool with you being there.”
Interesting. I hadn’t thought about it that way.
My wife and I consciously took this approach when we raised our children. Listening and not judging, so they would always be willing to open up and share things with us. Even things that were stressful to hear about. My wife was better at this than I was, but she helped me remember to maintain a calm and receptive attitude.
Now, that doesn’t mean we were overly permissive parents. Our kids knew very well that we disapproved of underage drinking, smoking, drug use, etc. We never allowed phones at the dinner table. We carefully managed their smartphone, computer, and internet access when they were younger. They had curfews, and we always knew where they were and who they were spending time with (for the most part!).
We always vacationed as a family. We also shopped, traveled, explored, hiked, and skied together as a family. We spent a lot of time together, and we’re still close. My wife and I take trips to visit them often, and they come home to see us (frequently bringing a girlfriend or boyfriend along).
So now, here I was, having brunch with these young people who seemed okay with me being there. I spoke little but listened a lot. They told stories, teased each other, and laughed through breakfast. I learned a lot. I got to see my son with his friends in a way that I don’t see him when it’s just us hanging out.
It was pretty amazing.
Recently, I was talking with a client who noticed their network was aging along with them. They are connected with many people who are retiring or about to retire. They don’t have many young folks in their network.
However, my network is pretty diverse. I have friends my age and older, but also many younger people. For example, my solopreneur podcast co-host is much younger than I am.
Perhaps this is because I don’t act like I have all the answers. I learn from them as much as they learn from me. I listen and learn. They share their life issues, concerns, fears, and worries, and I try not to judge. Believe me, I made a ton of mistakes during my life, especially when I was younger, and I still do. I’m still learning and growing (I hope!).
So, I guess that’s my life tip for you this week.
Try to judge less and listen more.
Observe with an open mind and learn.
Be there to provide feedback, support, and guidance if they ask for it.
But resist the urge to force your beliefs and advice on them when they don’t want or need it.
I know it’s not easy. I’m not perfect! I still slip up and get judgy.
But, if you can better control it, you may be invited to things other people are not. You may get to see a side of your children, grandchildren, and younger friends that your older peers never will.
It’s pretty damn cool.
I’m Larry Cornett, a Freedom Coach who works with ambitious professionals to help them reclaim their power, become invincible, and create new opportunities for their work and lives. Do more of what you love and less of what you hate!
📕 Check out my Invincible Daily Journals. I have one specifically for Spring!
