Happy Valentine’s Day! Well, I’m writing this to you on Tuesday, so it’s still happy heart day for me.

What better time to think about romantic relationships? Some of you may already be in cozy, committed partnerships. Or, some of you may be quite happy living life solo and surrounding yourself with great friends.

However, I know that some of you are in the middle of searching for that loving partner you want and deserve to have in your life. It’s difficult to find the right person. It never was easy (even when I was young and dating), and it seems even more challenging now. Sorry, folks.

There are lots of theories about why that’s happening. But I’m not going to talk about them in this newsletter because this is all about the tip. This is a nice little life tip that you can use to improve your odds of ending up with a great friend, lover, and partner.

Believe it or not, I was once a young lad suffering the trials and tribulations of dating and heartbreak. I’ll never forget the advice my mother gave me one Spring afternoon. I’ll paraphrase:

That conversation was burned into my mind. I think about it even today as I try to offer useful advice to my children as they navigate their own modern dating scene.

This tip stands the rest of time. It is evergreen wisdom of the heart.

You don’t want to be with someone who isn’t just as eager and happy to be with you. If they don’t feel lucky to have you, they’re not the right person for you.

They just aren’t!

Even if you could somehow persuade them to partner with you, do you really want that? Nothing is sadder than being in a relationship where you love someone more than they love you. Where you appreciate and value them more than they value you.

To hell with that!

Maybe I’m just too full of pride, but I always felt like my partner should meet me halfway. They should be just as attracted to me and in love with me as I am with them.

There is no “ideal” partner or relationship

Here in the U.S., we just watched the Super Bowl, so let me use a football metaphor. If you know me, you probably find this amusing, but here we go.

Visualize a football field with 100 yards between you and the end zone of romantic partnership bliss. Can you see it?

Now, some people mistakenly believe there is a “perfect partner” for them somewhere in the world. They think they will find this partner, experience a flash of insight that they are “the one,” and both of them will magically float into the end zone of eternal marital bliss.

I’m sorry to burst their bubble, but that’s not how life works. That’s not how great relationships work, and that’s not how people work, either.

There is no “ideal partner” who will immediately and magically give you the perfect relationship that is meant to be. You build it together. If you’re waiting for some sign from above that someone is “perfect,” you’ll be alone for the rest of your life.

Yes, you should have personality traits, behaviors, beliefs, etc. that are important for a great life partner. You should have non-negotiables that must be met or the relationship simply won’t work (e.g., you want children but they do not). I wrote about this in Lessons from 30 Years of Marriage.

Who you are and who they are will bring both of you to the 50-yard line. The wrong person for you won’t even make it that far down the field. They just aren’t a good fit. There are great people who just aren’t right for your “playing field.” They are a better fit for someone else on their playing field. And, there are some bad people you should never let play on your team at all.

Seriously. Stop dating people like that.

The 50-yard line is where you meet a great person who is right for you. Then, you work together and build a great relationship that carries you both to the end zone of a wonderful life.

A great relationship isn’t “discovered.” Instead:

• You build it together with a great person.

• You both make some sacrifices to blend your lives.

• You discuss what neither one of you should sacrifice to keep your personal sense of self and happiness.

This is what I mean by not pursuing someone. You should never have to carry a person for the full 100 yards to make a relationship work. You shouldn’t be standing on the 50-yard line and ready to build a great relationship, but they are still standing on the 1-yard line and refusing to put in the work since they expect magic to simply happen.

If you encounter someone like that, move on. They need to grow up, they’re not right for you, and they should go play on someone else’s field.

Never try to build an amazing life with someone who doesn’t understand that a real partnership is built together. Great marriages don’t just happen. They are created by good people who both want them to work and keep investing in them for the rest of their lives.

I hope this helps you — or someone who needs to hear it!

Hi, I’m Larry Cornett, a Personal Coach who can work with you to optimize your career, life, or business. My mission is to help you take complete control of your life so you can become a more “Invincible You.” I currently live in Northern California near Lake Tahoe with my wife and a gigantic Great Dane. We’re getting ready to celebrate 32 years of marriage!