💡 How to Make a Marriage Last (Issue 134)
What's the secret?
My wife and I have been married for over 34 years. We sometimes get asked, “What’s the secret to making your marriage work?”
I’ve written about this topic before, but yesterday, after hearing that question again, I had some new thoughts.
There are some fundamentals you just have to get right (e.g., things you each want out of life to be happy and fulfilled), which takes time to figure out. That's why you should date long enough to get past that honeymoon lust phase when your partner seems perfect and can do no wrong.
Deep and meaningful life conversations take time. The truths won’t be revealed during speed dating, or even during the first year of a relationship!
New thoughts on marriage
Here are the new thoughts about marriage that hit me yesterday as my wife and I were walking and talking after dinner.
She always intrigues me
You must find each other interesting enough and clever enough to have engaging conversations every day for the rest of your life. That might sound impossible. But with the right partner, there is no end to the interesting discussions you will have.
In my youth, I dated some people who weren’t interesting enough to keep a conversation going. We ran out of stuff to say early in the relationship. Some just weren’t that smart. They never had ideas about what they wanted in life, what they wanted to do, or what was going on in the world (e.g., “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”).
She has separate interests and activities
We spend a lot of time together. Now that we’re empty nesters and semi-retired, we do almost everything together.
However, we also have different interests, hobbies, and activities that we do separately. So, that means we go off, see new things, meet new people, and learn new things. When we get back together, we have a lot to talk about when we sit and enjoy coffee together in the morning, go for walks and hikes, or enjoy our “date days.”
I love spending time with her!
Even after being together for over 35 years (dating and marriage), I still love exploring the world with her, doing things together, and just spending time together. We enjoy travel and adventure, but we can be happy just browsing a thrift store and talking about anything.
I miss her when she’s not around. I want to turn and talk to her when I travel alone or see a new sight without her. During my career, I did a lot of international and business travel. I always went out and explored the cities, museums, galleries, restaurants and cafes, shops, sights, etc. by myself. As an introvert, I enjoy that.
However, I always caught myself turning to say something to her, only to find she wasn’t there. I suppose I should apologize to all the strangers who had to experience me saying, “Wow, isn’t that beautiful?” or “Hey, take a look at that!” 😂
Lasting balance
A marriage can be out of balance, and that is risky.
They are your everything, and you have no life without them.
Or, you spin in totally separate orbits and have little in common anymore.
If your marriage isn’t feeling great right now, consider this balance and what you might need to do to course-correct before it’s too late.
Seek ways to find each other interesting, intriguing, and enjoyable to be around. Date and fall in love again!
If you’re worried about your relationship and need a compassionate, confidential conversation with someone who will listen without judgment, you can schedule a free call with me or my wife, Nicole.
We’re here for you!
I’m Larry Cornett, a Freedom Coach who works with ambitious professionals to help them reclaim their power, become invincible, and create new opportunities for their work and lives. Do more of what you love and less of what you hate!
📕 Check out my Invincible Daily Journals. I have one specifically for Spring!
