From Selling Plasma to Driving a BMW (Issue 180)
My 60-years of data: Does money buy happiness?
Note: In this article, I’m sharing my personal experiences from my life history of almost 60 years. Of course, my relationship with money and happiness may be unique to me. But I’m starting to realize that it probably is not…
I grow weary of the age-old argument about money and happiness. One person will say, “Money doesn’t buy happiness.” Inevitably, another person chimes in, “Bullshit! Money sure does. It’s miserable to be poor.”
So far in my life, there have been a couple of moments when I was at my happiest.
When I was what many would call poor during my childhood and mid-20s.
When I quit Silicon Valley, returned to self-employment, and gave up a lot of income.
When I say I was poor, I mean poor. I mean:
Taking food out of the garbage poor.
Car breaking down every week poor.
Selling plasma so I could take my girlfriend out to dinner poor.
I had a job, and I wasn’t homeless. But I was barely getting by, and I was always hungry.
I’m a nerd, and I love creating spreadsheets, charts, and graphics. So, I decided to look back on my life and think about my level of happiness at various points. I also captured data about my income levels at those ages. Believe it or not, I still have many of my paystubs from the 80s and 90s. Probably okay to shred those now…
For my childhood income, I used what my family earned back then. As I have mentioned before, I grew up poor. My parents worked hard to make sure we had food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads.
But we struggled, and I can remember times my dad worked multiple jobs and hustled on the side so they could buy us gifts for Christmas. I also remember being teased by classmates about being poor and where we had to live.
Yet, I had a very good life at home. My parents were amazing and loving (still are). I had fun siblings to share my life with. We loved doing things as a family (hiking, fishing, camping, swimming in the river, sledding, etc). Even though we were poor, I was a happy child at home. However, I was a nerd (and a poor kid), so I was bullied quite a bit in grade school and junior high, which dragged my happiness levels down (things improved in high school, thankfully).
The funny thing is, later in life, I was at my unhappiest ever when I was making the most money I had earned in my life. Sure, I felt wealthy. We owned very nice things and made purchases without even thinking twice. I felt like we had finally “made it.” I thought it was everything I had wanted and had worked so hard to achieve.
Yet, I wasn’t happy. The more money I made and the more I pursued traditional success, the more my happiness declined.
According to the “Money Buys Happiness” folks, I should have jumped out of bed every day and danced a jig. Instead, I hated my life and wished I could fast-forward 20 years to escape it. The Severance Procedure wasn’t available, though.
It took a leap of faith and swallowing my fear (I had a mortgage, family to support, and kids in college), but I finally quit. I returned to self-employment about 16 years ago and never went back to a job.
Guess what? My income now is a fraction of what it used to be. And when I say a fraction, I mean a small fraction.
However, my happiness, health, and wellness have skyrocketed. Hell, I feel even happier than I did in my 20s, which was the last time I remember feeling hopeful and excited about life.
I think many of the Money = Happiness people are confusing security with joy. Yes, we need security and a sense of safety. You need enough money to have food, shelter, and health-related care.
But beyond that, a lot more money will not make you happier.
I know, I know. I can hear you. You think it will. Almost everyone thinks it will. Hey, I did too, many years ago.
But many are confusing lasting happiness with that momentary spike of excitement that comes with spending money. Buying nice things and fun experiences feels great in the moment. It’s a high that can even last for days, weeks, and months.
I know because I did it. I did a lot of it back then. I was trying to make myself feel better on the weekends after hating my working life all week.
But it will fade. It always does. The hedonic treadmill guarantees it.
People also forget (or don’t realize it yet) that the more money you make and the more possessions you accumulate, the more you worry about losing it all. It’s so damn stressful! I worried about losing my job, which meant I would lose my big house. I worried about my BMW getting scratched or dented.
I also worried that I wouldn’t keep getting promoted so I could make more, more, and more money! Gotta keep up with those wealthy Joneses, right?
Millionaires are jealous of multimillionaires. Multimillionaires are jealous of billionaires. And billionaires grow green with enjoy as they watch multibillionaires approach becoming trillionaires (FU, Musk. You greedy bastard.).
If money literally could buy happiness, the multibillionaires on this planet should literally be the happiest human beings alive.
But they are not. They are bottomless pits of need and greed.
They can never fill the holes inside them with enough money and material possessions. They keep trying and failing. So, they turn to sociopathic power grabs, manipulating governments, strange drug cocktails, and pursuing degenerate hobbies. They are always hoping and praying that it will make them feel something. Anything.
But it never does.
Yes, you need enough. Enough to feel safe and secure. Enough not to live in fear and worry. But that point of “enough” is a helluva lot less than most people think.
I was struggling in my 20s, but I had enough. And I was way happier when I barely had enough than later in life when I was a rich guy living in a big house in a wealthy neighborhood and driving a fancy BMW.
Learning to be satisfied with enough is the actual key to lasting happiness.
Feeling like you have enough (and really believing it).
Feeling like you are loved enough.
Feeling like you are enough.
Reaching a point of having enough and being enough is the secret to joy, contentment, and fulfillment.
Sure, push hard to get enough income so you don’t have to worry about food, shelter, safety, and security. But chasing money too far beyond that point is an endless journey into the bottomless pit of insatiable materialism.
Okay, I’ll step off my soapbox now. 😉
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I’m Larry Cornett, Ph.D., a psychologist and Empowerment Coach who loves to research what inspires and motivates people to live their best lives. I work with fiercely independent folks who want to redefine success, find happiness, deepen their relationships, reclaim their health, and create more freedom to live life on their own terms!
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Truer words were never spoken. I don’t know what the right word is to describe people like Musk who lack the self-awareness to realize they can’t fill that hole with the things they’re doing. When you keep shoveling and the hole is still there (or deeper), maybe the problem is YOU.